An open letter to Abbott Labs
Dear Abbott Labs, 
I would like to start by saying “Thank You” for making Similac Sensitive. It is a cornerstone of my child’s meals. She loves it and is a healthy baby girl. Sadly, this is not the point of this letter. The reason I am moved to write to you is there is a horrible flaw in what would be a wonderful product. The foil liner inside the sealed lid is absolutely a pain in the tail to remove. It appears to be glued secured welded attached under a lip that protects it’s edges.
I don’t know if you put that pull tab on there as a joke or if it is just poorly designed, but it is absolutely useless! Of the many, many containers just like the one above I have opened- I have yet to pull that tab and remove the foil liner. I understand that the foil is to protect the product and I appreciate that. However, I have to remove it in order to use the product my child so loves and that is no easy task. When you pull on that tab it simply rips off. I have tried every manner of removal- from slow and steady to quick and furious. All with the same outcome- a hole in upper left corner of the container.
After the tab is removed, I can then attempt to remove the rest of the foil that is in a semi-permanently attached state. I am a pretty handy man. I can use tools, navigate my way through crib assemble instructions, and unwrap the smallest of nic naks. However, This ordeal involves razor sharp foil that has to be manually removed piece by pains taking piece. The removal of said razor foil is akin to -I don’t know- removing razor wire from a top of a fence while on stilts. Needles to say this practice is not that easy when you are holding a 5 month old child that wants his bottle something fierce.
Not only is it annoying and difficult- it is dangerous. I mentioned the razor sharp foil that you have to manually remove…well, I will just show you.
Yep, it cut me as I was trying to remove the foil, after the handy dandy pull tab had ripped free. I never thought that could happen but, it did.
In conclusion, I would like to request that the design of that foil pull tab be re-looked at, redesigned, or done away with. Maybe my friends at Babycenter.com can use some baby muscle about this. It is truly a pain in the…finger.
Sincerely,
-Matt
Confessions of A Pre-Middle Aged Man
As the days draw me closer to retirement my golden years a bedpan, my body and mind are developing a list of things they really do not enjoy. Here is a sample of the myriad things that make this pre-middle aged man grumpy:
- Random Joint Pain: When did my left knee start hurting? I haven’t injured it, I haven’t smashed it into anything- Yet, It aches.
- Dull Aches: Vague pains in potentially any part of my body is depressing.
- Grunting When I Stand Up: I make an audible “UGHHH” when I stand up from a seated position. How sad is that? Is that a sign the AARP flyers are being addressed as we speak?
- Kids Driving Fast In My Neighborhood: Really, Matt? Yeah, I cant help it. It drives me insane to hear kids driving the cars and trucks their parents bought up and down my street. I can’t help it…I just can’t help it.
- I Said “That’s just vulgar” And Meant It: This was a shock. I have unknowingly developed a “appropriate or not radar.” If I knew this was happening I would have vetoed it, but its here. SIGH
- I Actually Used The Word “vulgar” In Public: That just speaks for its self.
- Inability To Open Glass Jar Twist Off Lids: Latest proof- Marinated Peppers- Small Jar, easy to grip, no excuses- Completely failed. I made a prolonged “AGHHHH” sound as I struggled in vain to “pop” the top off. Weakness, utter weakness.
- Lack Of Cool Clothes: My closet looks like a L.L. Bean, Gap, and Sears threw up in it. Nothing is wrong with those clothes, but we can all agree that they are far from…hip?
*I felt odd using the word “hip” in that last example. That’s exactly what I am talking about. The only way I feel comfortable using the word “hip” is in reference to the part of my body that aches when I get out of a car that sits lower than a Ford F-150.
Where is my warranty? I need see if I am still covered.
A Chicken and a Thymus Gland
My wife, child, and I were in Kansas City for a family pre-Christmas get together. We had an open night, and my wife’s aunt and uncle volunteered to watch the baby. SOOOO, where else would I want to go while in Kansas City other than Chef Celine Tio’s restaurant Julian? Ummm, Nowhere. Of course we called the day we wanted to book the reservation. I fully expected to hear, “Sorry, we are fully booked tonight.” Much to my surprise, The kind voice on the phone responded to my plea with,” Yes, we can seat you then.” I hope I didn’t hurt her eardrum as I squealed like a young girl encountering her 1st frog. It was all set! Julian here we come.
It goes without saying that I love food. I really love good food. Kansas City, Missouri is home to Celene Tio’s restaurant, Julian. Watching The Next Iron Chef, my wife and I quickly started routing for Chef Tio. She was funny and entertaining and seemed like a genuine person- and she cranked out some killer looking (and sounding) food. So, we knew the next time we were in KC we were definitely going to visit her restaurant.
If you watch any food related TV, you have heard of sweetbreads. For those that don’t know what they are- it is not a bread at all. Sweetbreads are the thymus gland of a calf (this isn’t always the case). To an average American psyche- daunting to eat to say the least. Through the wonderful world of the internet, we knew the menu options at Julian before we arrived. Sweetbreads were on it and my mind could not stop thinking about them. I was wondering about the texture of them, how accurate Jeffrey Steingarten’s account of them are, and could I actually eat it. The balance to this was- “When can you get a A+ Chef’s recipe for sweetbreads again?” I could not let this opportunity pass.
I talked about sweetbreads all day and all the way there. Everyone in our party was well versed on what they were and forming their own opinions of them by the time we pulled into the parking lot. We arrived and were quickly seated. When it was time to place our order and the sweetbread request was to be made- I ordered caviar. Yeah, I chickened out. My table gasped when they realized I passed on the sweetbreads. All of my talk- apparently it was hot air. My trepidation of eating a gland made me order fish eggs. As delicious as the caviar on homemade chips was, I immediately felt like a wussy. I felt like a coward. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t order sweetbreads in this perfect setting to try them. I started convincing myself to order some- to be in the moment- to take a chance- to do what you wanted to do from the start. After my internal Dr. Phil moment passed, I asked our server to please add an order of sweetbreads. He smiled and nodded. A calm pleasantness suddenly came over me, it could have been the wine, but I doubt it. It was the expectation of the sweetbread magic that was on the way.
The sweetbreads arrived at the table in an oval bowl with a red and white checkered paper surrounding them. They resembled something fried. To a southern boy like me…perfect. I selected one. I smelled it. I noticed my party’s eyes trained on me. This was the big moment. All the talk came down to this. Here I sat, with great company, in Celine Tio’s restaurant with a sweetbread in my hand. All that was left to do was bite it. So, I did and it was wonderful. It was fried crisp on the outside yet soft and meaty on the inside. The flavor was unexpectedly sublime. My face lit up with pleasure as the taste registered. Now, my table mates wanted to taste one. After the guinea pig lived- everyone wants one. I offered them all one. They all tried it – and liked it. The oval bowl was quickly emptied and savored.
On my “culinary bucket list” a check mark instantly appeared by “sweetbreads” and “Eat at Julian.” Two accomplishments in one delicious bite.
You should not assume that the meal in total it was any less delicious. The crispy pork with the tamarind sauce was greatness on a plate. The wine selection was amazing. Not to mention the fact that Chef Tio visited our table, agreed to take a pic with me, and was completely a real human being was MONUMENTAL!
It is nice to know that our assumption about Chef Tio and her food was correct. Her food and personality are both great. We will definitely go back as soon as we get back to KC.
Post Christmas Reflections
The tree has been put away or discarded. The newly untangled lights start their year long re-tangling process. The plastic Rudolphs, Santas, Jesuses ( I admit I do not know the plural of Jesus.), and plates with Frosty on them are all put into their storage containers and forgotten about by everyone for another 11 months. Everyone except my wife.
overdue recognition
Today, I received news that a friend took his own life this past Sunday. When I heard this I immediately said to my self, “That’s not my friend. It can’t be the same guy I grew up with. More than likely, it is someone with the same name.” It was not a man with the same name. It was not a coincidence. It was, sadly, my childhood friend. My friend and I had gone our separate ways in 1993, after I was accepted to a college prep school out of state. We never spoke again. However, while we were in the 8th grade, he taught me something that I have carried with me to this day- and he never knew it and I never told him “thank you.”
Some Good Advice
Apparently, everyone who has ever had a child, changed a diaper, or can spell “child” is an expert on the care of, not only their children, but YOUR CHILD as well – AND- they have permission to touch your child WHENEVER they want!!!
FYI: This drives the wife and I insane.
Here are some scenarios that have actually happened! Read the rest of this entry
… and the results are in!
Dethroning”Don’t put the babies in the Microwave” spoke by “person overheard in WalMart”, This year’s BABY TIP OF THE YEAR AWARD goes to…
Babycenter.com Read the rest of this entry







