Category Archives: Health

Physical vs. Mental Disconnection…

As devoted readers know, I had a vertical gastric sleeve in April 17th, 2014.

I was 300 lbs at surgery.  I am now 194.  I know I have lost 100+ lbs.  I wear much smaller clothes.  People tell me I look great.


However, my brain does not believe it.  Let me try to explain this….

EXAMPLE 1:  I was having a conversation with 2 football coaches last week.  Both of them are very overweight.  Coach 1 makes a comment similar to “I tried to jump to the left and just couldn’t stop and just kept on going…”  Coach 2 says “Maybe lose that gut and you might could have stopped”  I chime in, “Big guys like us aren’t too graceful are we?”  The tone of the conversation, until I opened my mouth, was one of lighthearted fun.  The minute I  grouped my self in the “big guys” group – they both looked at me like “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU AREN’T FAT LIKE US.”   I honestly had to stop and process what was happening.  They OBVIOUSLY took offence to my statement about all 3 of us being overweight.  I was instantly uncomfortable and didn’t realize why they were so appalled that I referred to us as “big guys”.


EXAMPLE 2:  I am a professional tennis player.  When someone hits a shot I cant get to- one that I believe I should have gotten to- I say “Hurry up fatass” sometimes out loud but always to myself.  A couple nights ago I missed a shot and said that out loud – obviously referring to myself- and my partner walked over laughing and said “You know you aren’t fat anymore.”   TOTAL SYSTEM SHOCK.  I have never heard those words said to me before.  It took restraint to not say, “What are you talking about…Yes, I am fat.”

I had not realized that other people don’t see me how my mind continues to see me.  I still mentally believe I am very, very overweight…until I look in a mirror.

I suppose I underestimated the mental adjustment time frame that I obviously have to make when it comes to my self image.


Armchair psychologists, weight loss veterans, and anyone else…chime in and let me know what you think.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

I know its been a while. Well, dear reader, I have been busy. With  Kid #1, Kid #2, Wrist Surgery, Gut Surgery…and other reasons that sound like plausible excuses to not continue this blog.  However, I am vowing to make more frequent posts starting…now.


On April 17th of this year I had a procedure called a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

Two weeks prior to surgery I was on 100% liquids with the last week all CLEAR liquids.  Surgery happens.  2.5 weeks later I was still HATING this decision.  FOOD and LIQUIDS hurt when you swallowed more than a thimble full.  It was a constant fight against 38 years of practice.  I lost many battles.

Then something happened.  I swallowed instinctively and NOTHING BAD HAPPENED.  I remember thinking, “Oh shit!  I’m about to pop staples and die from some septic gunk coursing through my veins.”  Staples held, nothing bad happened, I lived – and still am.  In fact I’m much better.  See below:

April 17, 2014 – Weight 298 lbs. (45.6 BMI)

June 23, 2014- Weight 224 lbs (34.1 BMI)


A1C on Surgery Date- 6.7 (6.5 + is Diabetic)

A1C on June 16, 2014- 4.6 (5.7 and below is normal)

Post Meal Glucose Level on Surgery Date- 210 mg/dl (DIABETIC is 200 mg/dl  or greater)

Post Meal Glucose Level on June 22, 2014- 99 mg/dl (NORMAL is <140 mg/dl)

Waist Size Pre-Surgery- 46 in.

Waist Size June 6, 2014- 36 in

Shirt Size Pre-Surgery- XXL

Shirt Size June 6, 2014- L

Shoe Size Pre-Surgery- 10 wide

Shoe Size June 6, 2014- 9 med

Addendum:  Additional non-quantifiable changes post surgery:

  • Chicken Nuggets were amazing before.  They now smell like Satan’s dirty underwear.
  • Salmon – Pre-Surgery- yucktastic               Now- an amazing fish
  • Ice Cream is impossible to eat now.  (kinda bummed about that one…not really)
  • Knee/foot pain from tennis – largely gone
  • Existing on less than 1000 calories a day is not as bad as you may think
  • Gatorade is physically easier to drink than water  (I know, that is hard for me to believe too)
  • My libido is more…noticeable.

Any one out there have any comments, recommendations, or accolades to throw my way…Lets read em.  Post in comments.




Progress is being made.






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