As devoted readers know, I had a vertical gastric sleeve in April 17th, 2014.

I was 300 lbs at surgery.  I am now 194.  I know I have lost 100+ lbs.  I wear much smaller clothes.  People tell me I look great.

I KNOW ALL OF THAT.  I REALLY KNOW IT….

However, my brain does not believe it.  Let me try to explain this….

EXAMPLE 1:  I was having a conversation with 2 football coaches last week.  Both of them are very overweight.  Coach 1 makes a comment similar to “I tried to jump to the left and just couldn’t stop and just kept on going…”  Coach 2 says “Maybe lose that gut and you might could have stopped”  I chime in, “Big guys like us aren’t too graceful are we?”  The tone of the conversation, until I opened my mouth, was one of lighthearted fun.  The minute I  grouped my self in the “big guys” group – they both looked at me like “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU AREN’T FAT LIKE US.”   I honestly had to stop and process what was happening.  They OBVIOUSLY took offence to my statement about all 3 of us being overweight.  I was instantly uncomfortable and didn’t realize why they were so appalled that I referred to us as “big guys”.

EXAMPLE 2:  I am a professional tennis player.  When someone hits a shot I cant get to- one that I believe I should have gotten to- I say “Hurry up fatass” sometimes out loud but always to myself.  A couple nights ago I missed a shot and said that out loud – obviously referring to myself- and my partner walked over laughing and said “You know you aren’t fat anymore.”   TOTAL SYSTEM SHOCK.  I have never heard those words said to me before.  It took restraint to not say, “What are you talking about…Yes, I am fat.”

I had not realized that other people don’t see me how my mind continues to see me.  I still mentally believe I am very, very overweight…until I look in a mirror.

I suppose I underestimated the mental adjustment time frame that I obviously have to make when it comes to my self image.

Armchair psychologists, weight loss veterans, and anyone else…chime in and let me know what you think.

I know its been a while. Well, dear reader, I have been busy. With  Kid #1, Kid #2, Wrist Surgery, Gut Surgery…and other reasons that sound like plausible excuses to not continue this blog.  However, I am vowing to make more frequent posts starting…now.

MORE FREQUENT POST #1

On April 17th of this year I had a procedure called a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

Two weeks prior to surgery I was on 100% liquids with the last week all CLEAR liquids.  Surgery happens.  2.5 weeks later I was still HATING this decision.  FOOD and LIQUIDS hurt when you swallowed more than a thimble full.  It was a constant fight against 38 years of practice.  I lost many battles.

Then something happened.  I swallowed instinctively and NOTHING BAD HAPPENED.  I remember thinking, “Oh shit!  I’m about to pop staples and die from some septic gunk coursing through my veins.”  Staples held, nothing bad happened, I lived – and still am.  In fact I’m much better.  See below:

April 17, 2014 – Weight 298 lbs. (45.6 BMI)

June 23, 2014- Weight 224 lbs (34.1 BMI)

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS- 74 lbs.

A1C on Surgery Date- 6.7 (6.5 + is Diabetic)

A1C on June 16, 2014- 4.6 (5.7 and below is normal)

Post Meal Glucose Level on Surgery Date- 210 mg/dl (DIABETIC is 200 mg/dl  or greater)

Post Meal Glucose Level on June 22, 2014- 99 mg/dl (NORMAL is <140 mg/dl)

Waist Size Pre-Surgery- 46 in.

Waist Size June 6, 2014- 36 in

Shirt Size Pre-Surgery- XXL

Shirt Size June 6, 2014- L

Shoe Size Pre-Surgery- 10 wide

Shoe Size June 6, 2014- 9 med

Addendum:  Additional non-quantifiable changes post surgery:

• Chicken Nuggets were amazing before.  They now smell like Satan’s dirty underwear.
• Salmon – Pre-Surgery- yucktastic               Now- an amazing fish
• Ice Cream is impossible to eat now.  (kinda bummed about that one…not really)
• Knee/foot pain from tennis – largely gone
• Existing on less than 1000 calories a day is not as bad as you may think
• Gatorade is physically easier to drink than water  (I know, that is hard for me to believe too)
• My libido is more…noticeable.

Any one out there have any comments, recommendations, or accolades to throw my way…Lets read em.  Post in comments.

Progress is being made.