A letter to the Carrabba’s server from last night


Dear Waiter at Carrabba’s last night,

I know you have to deal with middle management flunkies, hostile kitchen staff, emotionally distraught dish washers, and that creepy dude/dude-ette on the prep line.  I get it.  I really do.  However, I feel I need to write this for you to read … and reread.  There are somethings that they either didn’t teach you or you slept  through in Carrabbas corporate training.  So, unfortunately I have to teach them to you now.

You need to understand that you, server, are the face of the restaurant.  You are the guideline, along with the food quality, that I will judge if I will return to this eatery or not. that being said, I know Carrabba’s isn’t The Terrace or The Mesa Grill.  So, I did not go into last night dinner with absurdly high expectations on service.  However, if you are going to bring me a check that is over 60 dollars for 2 people to have a dinner that is under 3 courses, here is a small list to help you make me believe this dinner is worth the cash I’m about to pay.  You can call it the “101 level” or a “Primer level” to non-annoying food service.  Even though I think common sense would prevail in most cases, you didn’t get that memo and are unknowingly being a nuisance on a daily basis or you are just a condescending prick.  Either way, here are some things that the next time, lets assume there will be a next time, I walk in that door you need to have corrected.

*DO NOT CALL ME CHIEF, BOSS, OR CHAMP

I am not a Native American tribal leader, your shift manager, and I am not wearing any tiaras, flower garlands, nor am I carrying any sort of trophy, gold belt, or  medal.  So, why would you call me chief, boss, or champ unless you want to make a veiled statement about your dissatisfaction in the power balance of the server/served dynamic.  I am sorry you don’t like being a server…or maybe you really do.  Either way, It is not my fault!  Don’t punish me.

*KEEP YOUR “WITTY” BANTER TO YOURSELF

Have you ever seen the Office Space?  Do you remember the kid in the Chotchkie’s Restaurant with all the flair that was REALLY annoying.  THIS IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE SANS FLAIR.  I am not talking about your appearance either.  Todd Duffey‘s portrayal of the most annoying waiter ever is very close to how you act daily.  Unlike you, he is an actor playing a part and according to a Rolling Stone interview he needed help to be that annoying in character.  When asked how he made that character so annoying he said:

“I don’t know,” Todd Duffey, the energetic, flair-wearing waiter at Tchotchkies [sic], said of the experience. “I was on a lot of drugs.”

YOU DO IT WITHOUT DRUGS…I ASSUME.

You said to me last night, “Lemme get this rockin’ and rollin’ for ya.”  Who the fuck talks like that.  I understand trying to be witty and show a bit of energy in your job…but, come on.  I ordered some iced tea and your reply was that you were gonna get my tea “rockin and rollin” for me.  Thanks hipster.  Don’t be witty when an “OK, thanks” is all thats needed…because it’s not witty it’s annoying.

Also avoid phrases like these (which you said at least once last night):

– “O-kee Do-kee”

(Im an adult not a 3 year old…so are you.  Act like it.)

– “Be back in a jiffy”

(Exactly how long is a “jiffy anyway”)

– “How are those salads working out for ya?”

(Working out for me?  I don’t know how to answer this at all.  Do you mean “Is the salad acceptable?” or “Do you like the salad?”  If so…then SAY THAT not anything else you think is cute or “F’N Cool”)

“I’ll be baaaaak”

(You quoted the Terminator in hopes of cool points.  Really?  REALLY?)

Save all that dribble for when you and your friends watch the Super Bowl or Captain Kangaroo and eat Funyuns.  The terminator line should never be used unless you are transported back in time to the day after that movie came out.  Then and only then should you use that line and only for a period of 24 hours MAX.  I don’t need/want any of it along with my meal and neither does anyone else.  You look like a tool…STOP!  I am trying to help you here.

*DO NOT NAME DROP

Do you really think that I see you differently because some “celebrity” or “athlete” ate here 3 times already this week?  What is your motivation to present me with this unsolicited information.  Are you trying to tell me that This place is so awesome that, INSERT CELEBRITY NAME HERE ate here 3 times this week already.” Who the fuck cares…here is a tip…NOT ME!  If I don’t ask you about who eats here…I obviously already know or don’t care to know.  **BONUS INFO**  While on the extraneous information issue, I don’t want to chat with you. I want to chat with who I am having dinner with.  Now disappear!

*REFILL MY TEA GLASS WHEN  WHEN YOU NOTICE IT IS EMPTY OR GETTING CLOSE TO EMPTY

I can’t believe I actually have to write this.  (*LARGE INHALE*)  I saw you look at it.  I saw you look down at my glass and then say something “witty” about your shoes or something else asinine.  I SAW YOU ASSHOLE.  You looked directly at my tea glass, which I had moved to a more ideal location nearer the edge of the table for you to grab and refill.  You noticed I moved it and CHOSE to not say or do anything about it.  I am sorry that metal tea pitcher is cold and heavy for you.  I REALLY AM but, your job includes

constant beverage attention…its a basic fucking wait staff responsibility.

In conclusion, I hope you take these tips and suggestions with a grain of salt…which was on our table unlike the silverware.  You may see more money in the form of tips coming to you and a return customer or two-other than that celebrity who already ate there 3 times this week.  (I can guarantee you if they did come back, they didn’t have you as a server.) So, get your shit straight.  You are costing your employer money and there isn’t much demand for a smart ass, hipster, non-attentive server in he want ads.

I still need a refill on my tea,

-Matt

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About matt1912

I am.

Posted on February 18, 2010, in anger, culture, food, My World and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.

  1. idealistic human being

    You sir, are a dick

  2. yea do everyone a favor and eat at home!

  3. you sound like an awesome guest!! NOT

    • Dear malia, ericasmith, and “idealistic human being,”
      In response to your less than complimentary comments concerning the absolute worst dining experience of my life, I feel motivated to set the record straight. First, I would like to illustrate some facts that you may have over looked or simply couldn’t have known:
      1) Did I act like a “dick” or show any signs of displeasure to the server in question while I was in the restaurant? No, I know that being a server in a restaurant like Carabbas is a hard job. You have to be in a good mood and constantly monitoring 1000 things. The last thing he needed was me being a jack ass to him, which I wasn’t.
      2) Did I tip the server after the meal? Yes, I do not remember the exact amount but I can assure you that it was well over 20% of the after tax total on the check.
      3) Did the server in question know that I have written this about him? Could he possibly know it was about HIM if he read it at all? No, I can’t begin to calculate the odds of this server logging on here and somehow reverse engineering an algorithm to convince himself that it is HE I am talking about. I doubt that server remembers 2 no-problem, complimentary one time guests at all. I don’t even mention the city we were in. So, I doubt this server has been upset by this post.

      That being said, here are some facts:
      * As I wrote, My dinner guest and I couldn’t tell if this man was intentionally being an annoying asshole or was he just bad at his job. It was like at times he would intentionally not do something just to see what would happen. Like the silverware issue- We asked 4 times for silverware-two of which were after the salad arrived. Yes, he may have been in the weeds, but having to ask 4 times for silverware and a napkin is excessive. Do you not agree? The tea glass- he may have looked at it (which he did) and forgot to get the tea. Could have happened, i admit, but we were unsure about his innocence from the 1st 10 minutes we arrived. So, this didn’t help matters at all.

      *Have you ever had someone that just annoyed you? So, much that you couldn’t do something because they kept interrupting you every 2-3 minutes? This guy was worse than that. He would not come by and see if we needed refills, or something relevant- he would come by and strike up a conversation about some one who ate there 3 times that week or how awesome his shoes were – completely outside of anything my guest and I were talking about and completely extraneous and uninvited. How many times have you been in a Carabbas level restaurant and the server sat down at your table, while you were eating, and struck up an uninvited conversation? I am betting NONE. Well it happened- three times over the course of our meal.

      Honestly, how would you react to that? When it is constantly happening?

      Again, we made no gestures or said anything to the server that would indicate we were less than entertained. I think that my guest and I were behaving in an adult and civilized manner. Maybe that was why he kept coming back because we weren’t DICKS.

      In conclusion, If coming on here to express my dissatisfaction with the WORST dining experience of my life- while not harming the server’s delicate sensibilities while at the restaurant and preserving his anonymity on here makes me a “dick.” Then I am a “dick.”
      -Matt

  4. just so you know… that was NICE. (:

  5. i do not believe you are a dick, just a man with an opinion. =]…. p.s a good one at that lol

  6. I assume you were a one top ?

  7. Carrabbas Server

    What an asshole. Stay the fuck home and eat a hot pocket… so the guy was a little wierd man… who cares. eat ur food and reflect it on ur tip and call it a night. Writing a whole fuckin article on how shitty this dude is? KNOWING he wont read it.. assuming you just want blog hits.. GTFOH…

    • Mark,
      I would kindly refer you an excerpt from the previous response to others who think I am an “asshole.”

      *In conclusion, If coming on here to express my dissatisfaction with the WORST dining experience of my life- while not harming the server’s delicate sensibilities while at the restaurant and preserving his anonymity on here makes me a “dick.” Then I am a “dick.”*

      Or in your case an “asshole.”
      I ask you, who is worse – me expressing myself in a manner on MY OWN SITE that is designed specifically to not hurt anyone’s feelings who were involved (through anonymity) and NOT withholding a tip from him EVEN though people like YOU suggest me not tip him as much or YOU coming here and leaving this comment for the SOLE purpose of trying to make me feel bad about conveying what I and others think is helpful advice. I say your motivation outweighs mine in the “asshole” scale.
      Thanks for playing,
      Matt

      P.S. Hot Pockets are gross!

  8. You need to lighten the fuck up. It’s not some five star dining. You are a pricked and you deserve to have your food spat in.

  9. DAMN how can u be so obtuse? Ha ha that experience does sound like a disaster. You are a writing talent as well, I just want to add that if this server was getting to you like that, perhaps I would have made some on the spot suggestions to him on how to address you and that you and your company were trying to have a “conversation and not to be disturbed.

  10. I like when people say okie dokie and be back in a jiffy, and how are the salads working out for you is common speech. Grow up and get in the 21st century. Who the hell are you? If you complained about this and I was on a date with you, I would never date you again because you’re such an ass. You mask the fact that your pissed about spending $60 on a meal in hatred for you waiter. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Grow up.

  11. hey just wanted to let you know that as a server at a Carrabba’s i agree with a lot of what you said. on the other hand its hard to gauge tables, every one is different. and just for the record we are not allowed to use “tea pitchers”, at least at the one i work at. managment believes that it dilutes the tea, thats why most Carrabas restaurants requires the servers to bring out a new glass of tea, some people get mad at you if you do this without asking. my advice is if you want something from your server, dont be afraid to ask!….also if you know that you are not going to be going to a 5 star restaurant but you dont want to spend $60 on dinner, then go somewhere else! yes, we are better than olive garden but we are far from a gourmet restauant!

    • Sara,
      Thank you for an intelligent and honest comment. I wrote that partly out of frustration and partly as an attempt at humor. You would be amazed at the amount of “you are a dick” comments I got- and continue to get. I posted every comment that is not a 5 word sentence informing me that I’m a “%#^*^”. So, thanks for a well written comment.
      -Matt

  12. Tearing this guy apart behind his back is what makes you come off as weak. Not only were you totally passive in the situation, but you wrote this as if your overbearing sarcasm and overblown proportions justified your hissy fit rant. You actually had the audacity to sit here and try to play it off like you were even at the very least passive-aggressive.

    So you had a few problem with his mannerisms, engaging you next in some sort of paranoid battle sequence somewhere in your arrogant psyche – between you and your server. You bring up price like it was a benchmark of some sort, when in fact the only negative factor in your service was you.

    Your server was not having a bad time, and he wasn’t ‘out to get you’. Your presumptions are based on language, and your snowball effect of mockery towards somebody who has no idea what freaky festering attitude sits before him. I’m not buying the 4 times for silverware, and I’m not buying the blatant disregard for His Majesty’s tea refill. God forbid.

    When you are done cooling down in the breeze on the way down off of your high horse, you may want to factor in perhaps the server was having an off day, running behind, new to the job. More likely the possibility he is learning how to be friendly and forward towards total strangers. Not everybody can match the personality for being a server, and those who do need to learn to crawl before to walk – they’re new to it.

    When your bipolar medication kicks in, consider that not everybody can be so forward towards somebody they are trying to serve. It’s not as easy as sitting behind a computer monitor, and staying totally silent to the man the whole time, while you’re boiling with resentment.

  13. I’m sorry I ever read this blog, the writer should be slaughtered like a pig, and anyone related to him going back at least 10 generations. I would would say anyone who likes this maggot or anyone in his bloodline should have there eyes plonked out, ears cut off and tongues ripped off because they are just pollution in our society.

  14. YOU BASTARD! I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF PERKY CARRABBAS SERVERS AND YOU HAVE TARNISHED MY FAMILY NAME!!

    • Dear loyal reader and President of the Obtuse View Fan Club Mrs. Spiehler,
      First off, Thank you for your service at Carrabbas Eateries. Secondly, If there is any silverware missing- I know nothing about that. Thirdly, your comments that speak nothing to the content of the post are noted and displayed alongside EVERYONE else who decided to post something similar.

  15. Hey man,
    Fuck you.
    Signed an overly perky server, elsewhere.

  16. Work a day in the restaurant business….not as easy as it looks and on top of it we deal with asshole customers like you and don’t get a paycheck after taxes on top of it. If you wanna bitch be a man and actually tell the server what he could have done differently….not post it online. Wanna post something we can all agree on? Get a job as a server and see how much we don’t make and how much we work our ass off…both should equal each other out with working hard and getting paid or not working hard and getting stiffed. You have a right to your opinion but to help young lads realize what they need to work on leave a note on the table of things they may have/have not done right.
    -Jessica the server of 3 years

  17. This guy’s a fucking idiot ! I wish I had been the server ,I would have shoved that picture of tea up his conceited ass!!

  18. Waiters are actually taught to say bud, boss, to sound more informal and laid back setting. The server isn’t in an interview with you where he can’t say anything except professional words. $60 for two people is nothing. If you want the best service it’ll cost you $300 for 2 people where they are trained to be formal as hell. Why would a family restaurant act formal anyways?

  19. So…let me guess.. you are that customer…in every serving or office type movie…who gets off on tearing apart someone’s whole life simply over some sheet tea? I understand that a neanderthal instinct kicks in when a person being served is dissatisfied with a server or the quality of food…like a ” I’m going to starve and die” instimct…and then you feel the need to go as far as to spend a half hour of your life trying to get some stranger to understand where your coming from or to make sure he loses his job… that server deals with three or four archetypes of diners… here’s like you are the worst…they take a mix of witty banter and sling it together on the fly to make each interaction they have with Jerko people sound unique and fresh in order. They do this to make money…knowing full well they will encounter YOU three or four times a day and hope all they try to do to give YOU a good day experience won’t become some write up on a random website that may cost them the shittey and thankless job they depend on to provide for their child or elderly parents or to pay for college…and have some rude 10% tipper make a mockery of the hard work and harder unhappily people they have to deal with like you…just tear their whole world down. Your problem the type of person who gets an election when you find yourself in a position where you have received less than the best service at a restaurant. Here is a tip if you want to impact a change on a chappy server…and I do agree with you some really do suck. Leave theme a randomly odd percentage for a tip…nothing stands out more on a guest check than a four percent tip and a smiley face. This way you don’t need to cost him a job…or put a half hour of your life into a note you obviously spent the whole night stewing over the experience. So not only did you just pay all that money for an experience you were not pleased with but you let this HIPSTER become part of your whole evening right up to the point where you actually put time and effort into writing a letter on line to him. Jesus…someone that would do that would probably have to be the type of person who makes a 200k a year and have to be wealthy already to even think like you and d ok what you just did to the poor vast ardent “kid” mind you.
    So your rich boat shoe wearing assume just paid 100$ an hour of your fancy pants time to ruin your whole evening… you could have just stayed home..paid your pool boy to bang your wife…ate some spotted dock cheese and drank a bottle of wine and took three xanax so you could sleep next to the pool boys spend Trojan laid across your 100$ pilow and get up early and make sure the pot smoking bus boy at your favorite breakfast spot knows you know what he’s doing when he takes the trash out back five times an hour…
    Have a nice life jerky boy

  20. Ken, In order to not waste an hour replying to the same comments as I have before your punctuation error-laden missive hit my box, I am just going to cut and paste a previous response here and put your name at the top so you can pretend that you did something to REALLY get my attention.

    Dear Ken,
    In response to your less than complimentary comments concerning the absolute worst dining experience of my life, I feel motivated to set the record straight. First, I would like to illustrate some facts that you may have overlooked or simply couldn’t have known:
    1) Did I act like a “dick” or show any signs of displeasure to the server in question while I was in the restaurant? No, I know that being a server in a restaurant like Carabbas is a hard job. You have to be in a good mood and constantly monitoring 1000 things. The last thing he needed was me being a jackass to him, which I wasn’t.
    2) Did I tip the server after the meal? Yes, I do not remember the exact amount but I can assure you that it was well over 20% of the after-tax total on the check.
    3) Did the server in question know that I have written this about him? Could he possibly know it was about HIM if he read it at all? No, I can’t begin to calculate the odds of this server logging on here and somehow reverse engineering an algorithm to convince himself that it is HE I am talking about. I doubt that server remembers 2 no-problem, complimentary one time guests at all. I don’t even mention the city we were in. So, I doubt this server has been upset by this post.

    That being said, here are some facts:
    * As I wrote, My dinner guest and I couldn’t tell if this man was intentionally being an annoying asshole or was he just bad at his job. It was like at times he would intentionally not do something just to see what would happen. Like the silverware issue- We asked 4 times for silverware-two of which were after the salad arrived. Yes, he may have been in the weeds, but having to ask 4 times for silverware and a napkin is excessive. Do you not agree? The tea glass- he may have looked at it (which he did) and forgot to get the tea. Could have happened, i admit, but we were unsure about his innocence from the 1st 10 minutes we arrived. So, this didn’t help matters at all.

    *Have you ever had someone that just annoyed you? So, much that you couldn’t do something because they kept interrupting you every 2-3 minutes? This guy was worse than that. He would not come by and see if we needed refills, or something relevant- he would come by and strike up a conversation about someone who ate there 3 times that week or how awesome his shoes were – completely outside of anything my guest and I were talking about and completely extraneous and uninvited. How many times have you been in a Carabbas level restaurant and the server sat down at your table, while you were eating, and struck up an uninvited conversation? I am betting NONE. Well, it happened- three times over the course of our meal.

    Honestly, how would you react to that? When it is constantly happening?

    Again, we made no gestures or said anything to the server that would indicate we were less than entertained. I think that my guest and I were behaving in an adult and civilized manner. Maybe that was why he kept coming back because we weren’t DICKS.

    In conclusion, If coming on here to express my dissatisfaction with the WORST dining experience of my life- while not harming the server’s delicate sensibilities while at the restaurant and preserving his anonymity on here makes me a “dick.” Then I am a “dick.”
    -Matt

  21. Somebody was bullied in Jr high and never quite got past it…
    Happy people simply don’t behave this way.
    Please seek counseling.
    It’s one thing for one to state and even share dissatisfaction however this is a cry for help.

    • Also it’s always best when you’re having an issue of any type to politely let the hostess know that there is something not up to par or dissatisfying.
      Restaurantso want to make it better for you on the spot. A simple “Can u ask the manager to ask the server to go light on the chat. We’re hoping to have a quiet meal, just us.
      Thank you so much. ”
      Problem solved.
      The manager tells the server to ease up or assigns another server.. however the first server will be tipped from a separate account for things like this. No harm. Being assertive makes you a more kind person in the long run. Also bc you’re being assertive and achieving joy, you won’t be tempted to vent in an environment such as this.

      • Joe, First off, thank you for your comment and comment to your original comment (obsess much?) Secondly, I would like you to state your qualifications that allow you to make statements like the following with any reasonable certainty or experience in the field:
        Statement 1: “Somebody was bullied in Jr high and never quite got past it…” Are you a victim of this horrible aspect of the 13th-15th year of many lives? Did you pick up on some commonality in our lives or are you an expert in the mental health field of reading into a 7-year-old post to determine mental states? Please clarify for the 10000s of people reading this – inquiring minds want to know.
        Statement 2: “It’s one thing for one to state and even share dissatisfaction however this is a cry for help.” I will ignore your comma splice concerning your use of “however” in a declarative sentence, but I will not ignore the assertion of your ability to determine a cry for help. Are you in the mental health field? Are you a doctor or nurse that works in an area where “cries for help” are common and you can easily pick up on them to help a suffering patient?
        If you are, I would like to direct you to this passage in the Hippocratic oath:

        “ἃ δ᾽ ἂν ἐνθεραπείῃ ἴδω ἢ ἀκούσω, ἢ καὶ ἄνευ θεραπείης κατὰ βίον ἀνθρώπων, ἃ μὴ χρή ποτε ἐκλαλεῖσθαι ἔξω, σιγήσομαι, ἄρρητα ἡγεύμενος εἶναι τὰ τοιαῦτα. ὅρκον μὲν οὖν μοι τόνδε ἐπιτελέα ποιέοντι, καὶ μὴ συγχέοντι, εἴη ἐπαύρασθαι καὶ βίου καὶ τέχνης δοξαζομένῳ παρὰ πᾶσιν ἀνθρώποις ἐς τὸν αἰεὶ χρόνον: παραβαίνοντι δὲ καὶ ἐπιορκέοντι, τἀναντία τούτων.”

        If needed, here is an English translation:

        “Into whatsoever houses I enter, I will enter to help the sick, and I will abstain from all intentional wrong-doing and harm, especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman, bond or free. And whatsoever I shall see or hear in the course of my profession, as well as outside my profession in my intercourse with men, if it be what should not be published abroad, I will never divulge, holding such things to be holy secrets. Now if I carry out this oath, and break it not, may I gain forever reputation among all men for my life and for my art; but if I transgress it and forswear myself, may the opposite befall me.”

        Based on this oath, and its tenets, a couple things jump out here that need to be answered by you.
        1) Did you mean to enter my house (blog)?
        2) Did you enter to help me?
        3) Did you “abstain” from doing harm by choosing to post your comments?
        4) Did you, in your professional opinion, “divulge” the “holy secret” of my depression or mental scarring to the world by posting your public interpretation of my mental state?
        5) Since you did “divulge” my “holy secrets” to the world, shouldn’t your professional reputation be updated to include the fact that you did nothing to offer me help and the fact you spread the news of my problem, as per the last line of the oath?

        If you could answer those, We would appreciate it.
        NOTE: I am assuming you are a medical professional, by your crack analysis of my mental state 7 years ago that followed a dining expierence that ended with the server getting over a 20% tip and no indications of my dissatisfaction through my actions or from his supervisior, but you knew that because you read all the comments that preceded yours…right? No?.

        Joe, If you aren’t a medical professional in some manner please disregard the oath stuff and just take this advice, “Get a hobby. Reading a 7 yr old posts is sad, but trying to passive-aggressively assert you are a more emotionally and mentally stable/mature person than I am is not only short-sighted but, frankly, it proves just the opposite.

        However, I appreciate the traffic to the site! (please note commas around “however”)

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