Oh thank you babycenter.com

So, my baby is still not a voting member of our society.  That being true she is still growing.  “How much is she growing?”  you may ask.  Well my answer is “I don’t really know.”  The wife gets vague and cryptic emails from http://www.babycenter.com concerning the baby’s progress.  Here is an exerpt from the latest indecipherable email along with my comments in RED.

Your pregnancy: 37 weeks

How your baby’s growing:

Your baby is now considered “full term,” even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. That whole “adjust to life outside the womb” part is not some existential conundrum is it? (Some babies need a bit more time, though. So if you’re planning to have a repeat c-section, for example, your practitioner will schedule it for no earlier than 39 weeks unless there’s a medical reason to intervene earlier.)

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). How helpful is this info?  I can not calculate the BABY TO CHARD Ratio in my head.  I need to take a tape measure to the grocery store again. Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don’t be surprised if your baby’s hair isn’t the same color as yours. WHAT? Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. If my child looks like Elvis…We are gonna pimp that dude out! However, According to EVERY Maury Povich guest that I have EVER seen, when a baby dosen’t look like the daddy- IT ISN’T THE DADDY’S BABY! And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

It may be harder than ever to get comfortable enough to sleep well at night. UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE UNIVERSE If you can, take it easy through the day My wife take it easy though the day…I laugh at you Baby Center— this may be your last chance to do so for quite a while. Keep monitoring your baby’s movements, too, and let your caregiver know immediately if you notice a decrease. Though her quarters are getting cozy, she should still be as active as before.

While you’re sleeping, you’re likely to have some intense dreams. Like my wife and Corey Haam skateboarding down Santa Monica Boulevard? Anxiety both about labor and about becoming a parent can fuel a lot of strange flights of unconscious fancy. So, your calm demeanor about this pregnancy is really a mask for the “unconscious fancy” swimming beneath your conscious like a bedazzled shark.

This piece of code brought to you by:  Baby GaGa

Fetal development in pregnancy week 37:

It’s the calm before the storm. Changes in your baby’s weight have leveled off with only a few ounces of fat added this week. At this point your baby should weigh in at around 7 lbs and 20 inches (with boys somewhat heavier and longer than girls). NO FOOD REFERENCE???  I AM LOST! Happily, as far as internal organs go, they are now developed enough to function in the outside world although the oh-so-important immune system is still developing and will continue to do so after birth.

My brain hurts…I am off to measure some vegetables…

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About Matt

I was.

Posted on September 7, 2010, in Family and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Matt, From your friends at BabyCenter, a heartfelt “You’re welcome!”

    We love a good ribbing and you had us snorting with laughter today.

    We hear you on the vagueness of fetal development. Our hope with the fruit and veggie references is to give expectant parents something physical to match up with their unborn baby (and what’s not to love about fresh produce?). Still, we understand it can be hard to conjure up the perfect Crenshaw melon in the moment. These photos may help: http://www.babycenter.com/slideshow-baby-size.

    We’ve seriously considered a dad’s version of this feature. We’d compare the baby to cuts of meat, regulation-size sporting equipment, and the latest electronic gadgets. Would love to hear your thoughts on this potential upgrade to the BabyCenter series.

    Congrats on your impending daddyhood.

    Linda Murray
    Editor in Chief, BabyCenter

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