Physical vs. Mental Disconnection…
As devoted readers know, I had a vertical gastric sleeve in April 17th, 2014.
I was 300 lbs at surgery. I am now 194. I know I have lost 100+ lbs. I wear much smaller clothes. People tell me I look great.
I KNOW ALL OF THAT. I REALLY KNOW IT….
However, my brain does not believe it. Let me try to explain this….
EXAMPLE 1: I was having a conversation with 2 football coaches last week. Both of them are very overweight. Coach 1 makes a comment similar to “I tried to jump to the left and just couldn’t stop and just kept on going…” Coach 2 says “Maybe lose that gut and you might could have stopped” I chime in, “Big guys like us aren’t too graceful are we?” The tone of the conversation, until I opened my mouth, was one of lighthearted fun. The minute I grouped my self in the “big guys” group – they both looked at me like “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU AREN’T FAT LIKE US.” I honestly had to stop and process what was happening. They OBVIOUSLY took offence to my statement about all 3 of us being overweight. I was instantly uncomfortable and didn’t realize why they were so appalled that I referred to us as “big guys”.
EXAMPLE 2: I am a professional tennis player. When someone hits a shot I cant get to- one that I believe I should have gotten to- I say “Hurry up fatass” sometimes out loud but always to myself. A couple nights ago I missed a shot and said that out loud – obviously referring to myself- and my partner walked over laughing and said “You know you aren’t fat anymore.” TOTAL SYSTEM SHOCK. I have never heard those words said to me before. It took restraint to not say, “What are you talking about…Yes, I am fat.”
I had not realized that other people don’t see me how my mind continues to see me. I still mentally believe I am very, very overweight…until I look in a mirror.
I suppose I underestimated the mental adjustment time frame that I obviously have to make when it comes to my self image.
Armchair psychologists, weight loss veterans, and anyone else…chime in and let me know what you think.
Posted on August 25, 2014, in food, Health. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.
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