Yuck! 10 grossest Halloween candies of all time (that aren’t candy corn)

By Matthew Schneiderman

I call them the “grossest,” but it depends on whom you’re asking: To your average trick-or-treater, these may very well be the 10 “coolest” Halloween candies.  I put each of the candies through an evaluation from a friend’s son, 5-year-old P.J. Koesterer, a New York City resident and trusted authority on candy yuckiness.

  • Fangs with tongue
    Image: Au'some Ghoulish Gummy Tongue

    This combo disguise-plus-candy is one part plastic, one part gummy, and all parts yuck. Kids are entitled to about 90 seconds of tongue wagging before the candy dissolves.

    $1.95; Au’some Ghoulish Gummy Tongue; store.offbeattreats.com

    5-year-old says: “Whoa, that’s scary!”

  • Severed finger dip stick

    Image: Galerie Creepy Candy Finger with Dipping Powder

    Fun Dip for the witchy crowd. Grotesquely colored human digits — on sticks! — go into mouth, then into neon powder, then back into mouth.

    $3; Galerie Creepy Candy Finger with Dipping Powder; galerieusa.com for stores

    5-year-old says: “Spooky!”

  • Glow worms
    Image: KandyKastle Lightning Bugs Gummy Candy

    These gummies come packaged with a pair of plastic tongs equipped with a small LED. Pick up a bug and see it light up. Ditto for Swedish Fish and kids’ pinkies.

    $11.29 for 12 1.4-ounce bags; KandyKastle Lightning Bugs Gummy Candy; candycentral.com

    5-year-old says: “Awesome! Do you eat it?”

  • Grubs
    Image: Creepy Confections Grimy Grubs

    These are shorter, squatter, and ickier than your typical gummy worms. Catch-22 of cautioning kids about potentially dangerous behavior: Will they think to put the candies into their nostrils if you don’t warn them not to?

    $19 for 12 1.7-ounce bags; Creepy Confections Grimy Grubs; candy-crate.stores.yahoo.net

    5-year-old says: “Bumpy”

  • Messed-up green mouth

    Image: Big Stuff Lip Pops

    Less of a lollipop than a large candy pacifier with a disturbing handle — big green lips and braces — that’ll turn a kid’s face into something well suited for a fun house.

    $10.75 for 12 pops; Big Stuff Lip Pops; candydirect.com

    5-year-old says: “I’m gonna eat all those tooth parts!” (the tooth parts are inedible)

  • Squishy eyeballs
    Image: CandyTech Gummi Eyeballs

    Forget the “peeled grapes in a bowl” trick. These gummy eyeballs are much more realistic in look and feel.

    $10 for 14; CandyTech Gummi Eyeballs; dylanscandybar.com

    5-year-old says: “Crazy! I can squish it.”

  • (Fake) bug pops
    Image: Creepy Confections Fly & Spider Pop

    “Crawlers” being closely identified with “creepy,” burying a candy bug Tootsie-Pop-style in a sucker is a surefire way to spook tots and strict vegetarians alike.

    $30 for 24 pops; Creepy Confections Fly & Spider Pop; candy-crate.stores.yahoo.net

    5-year-old says: “Look at those bugs! 3-D!”

  • (Real) buggy pops

    Image: Hotlix Scorpion Sucker

    Yes, that’s a real scorpion in that lollipop. Other bugs you can find in this line of candy: Crickets and worms. In our opinion, a bit too gruesome for children, but it had to make the list.

    $2.95 each; Hotlix Scorpion Sucker; hotlix.com

    5-year-old says: “What the … it’s real? A real scorpion? That thing’s poisonous. Scorpions are poisonous, right?”

  • Snotty nose
    Image: Hose Nose

    Grody to the max: A prosthetic nose — complete with ear straps — full of candy mucus that gets squeezed out directly onto the wearer’s tongue.

    $29.40 for 12; Hose Nose; candywarehouse.com

    5-year-old says: “Eww! That’s cool!”

  • Ghoul mask
    Image: Creepy Confections Goblin Mask Pop

    13 ounces of candy shaped into a hideous full-size mask. The only thing creepier than the painted visages is the volume of sugar (220 grams) contained in one treat.

    $10; Creepy Confections Goblin Mask Pop; brandnewllc.com for stores

    5-year-old says: “You can eat this? It’s giant!”

About Matt

I was.

Posted on October 5, 2010, in culture, food, Funny and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Most of those I agree with. The glowworms and the grubs don’t seem too bad to me. I think the real bugs inside the candy are not only disgusting, but dangerous (scorpions? who the hell thought that was a good idea?). I also agree that the amount of sugar in that one mask is way too much–and the mask looks like crap anyway.

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