Author Archives: matt1912
I am moved to post this as a public service. I am not concerned with discussions about this or anything else…however, if you want to comment, go ahead. I wont ignore it.
Here is my short list of points of advice to the general public:
- If you receive any governmental (State or Fed) assistance (CHIPS, MEDICAID, DISABILITY…), Do not go on any social media site and complain about the government giving away your tax dollars to other people. Especially if you are trying to make other people think you AREN’T receiving any. Surprise, they already know and you look like you are in denial or, worse, a racist.
- Do not make any public statements about how “Obama shut down the government.” The House of Representatives is the only branch that can do that. Open a civics book and save yourself the embarrassment.
- If you haven’t read “What’s the matter with Kansas” – Do it.
- A well made duck call does not a role model make.
- “Gourmet fast Food” is still fast food.
- Do not touch other people’s kid (especially on the hair or face) when you walk up to say “hello” to the parent.
More to follow…
It’s out there, you know, the alternative to happiness and hope - reality. Waiting silently like a shadow- calm and patient. All the while knowing that you will be coming to it- sooner or later. Reality does not chase you. The illusion of safety leads to the sloth of complacency. There is no guarantee that anything is permanent or has any truth behind it. Lies kill hope, inaction kills potential, and regret fuels the memory. That’s when reality wraps its cold and often unyielding arms around you- reassuring you that now is when you have to deal with what is been just over the horizon – waiting on you to forget it exists. Beauty and happiness only stay your eventual embrace of the reality of what being alive is truly about. Pain.
I suppose the alternative to sucking it up and trudging along in your miserable state is to simply give up. On the surface it is an attractive option. For instance, sell what you have and say, “Fuck it.” Buy a used Winnebago and head to Montana.* Is that really an option with two kids, 2 jobs, and a mortgage you cant afford anymore? Nope.
So what do you do? More specifically, what do I do? Reality is really kicking my ass – and its winning. Life is painful now. I feel it. I feel tired, angry, unlucky, alone, sad, and powerless. I can not fix what is wrong. I can only adjust to what other people, other people’s decisions, and other people’s whims allow for me. I work all the time at a job I hate. I supplement that income with a job that takes a lot of time away from my kids- I wrestle with the question, “Is the income worth the absence from my kids?” Now, without that income my kids lose (They will lose more that what they are about to be losing very soon.) So, that answers that.
I would imagine by now, dear reader, that you are waiting on the, “…but I will keep putting one foot in front of the other.” part of this post. I am sorry I can not give you that. I can not lie and say that I will find some self worth or inner strength from what is happening now- and will continue to happen for quite a while. I am crumbling. I feel it.
I will give you one last thought that echos in my head every night before I willingly close my eyes – “I just want everything to be O.K.”
I am trying to make it O.K. I just don’t know if I am making any progress. It does not feel like it. I am scared.
If I were to tell a Hindu about how my life is right now a response would be close this, “Your current situation is the exactly correct situation for you to be in, given you soul’s previous action. Experiencing current suffering also satisfies the debt incurred for past behavior.” I don’t know if that is true, I don’t believe it is, but just in case it is “As It Is”"** I would like to apologize to my wife and kids for putting them here. I am sorry we are where we are and wish I could better our situation.
* The winnebeago would break down in Iowa and ole reality would be there waiting on you- not good
** sorry, couldn’t resist
I am at a metaphorical and metaphysical crossroad in my life. I am willing to admit that I am having issues believing that you are real. I do not know a better way to say this. I am not in the habit of speaking ill of believers or supporting non-believers. I, being a solitary person, need something to make me believe or at least nudge me toward the conclusion that there are powers greater than human love and human hate- yet, WHAT that could be, i admit i don’t know. I see beauty in life, in my children, in other people, and in myriad aspects of the world and its people. Is that you or just how it is? However, I also see what else exists in this world that is still in the per view of your domain that is not good or beautiful. Is that you too or just how it is? Do you not intervene in the world? Text suggests you did in the past. Why not now? Do you now simply let people … do what people do? Is it because people are a constant source of disappointment to you and you have simply stopped?
On a similar topic, Are you moral and good or are you ambivalent and lassier faire when it comes to this corporeal domain? There seem to be many of us that speak in your name. Who is right? Who is wrong? Does it matter? I am sure you have heard “all roads lead to Rome.” Is a similar phrase true for religion? Do “all religions lead to god?” Does religion in its most dogmatic definition really matter to you? Does stained glass and recitation of specific text bring someone to a closer understanding of what is really going on here on earth better than praying 3 times a day? Does any of that really matter to you? What are we supposed to be doing? Are we supposed to be doing anything at all?
Are we here to simply BE here. Is that it? For the record, I am OK if that is it. I would just like to know- completely know. I admit, I am asking for the keys to the kingdom while insisting on to the right to cast it aside if I don’t like it. I am not special, nor do I warrant any special attention. Nor do I not expect any special attention to my plea. I know many people have asked for a sign to bolster or give validity to their faith. I freely admit that am unsure that if I were to ask for a sign I wouldn’t know who to ask for that sign. Is the religion of my area the right one? Are you a white-bearded Caucasian, who came back to earth approximately 2000 years ago as a brown haired, blue eyed man or are you a elephant headed being that millions of kids in India love and pray to? I ask because images of you portray you as both of these and many more. Some say we were made in your image. So, is the image of the man in robes a closer representation of you or is the image of a man in robes what we humans want to god to be? If the latter is true it seems pretty vain on our part. On the surface that seems a trivial point, but to me, it matters.
I realize that you may or may not already know this was going to be written and may have answered me and I was too dense to see that answer. I admit that is a distinct possibility. Never the less, I just thought I would ask.
P.S. If you aren’t god (or God) please feel free to respond.
I will let this speak for itself. Please comment and share.
Hello, It has been 2 years, 2 months, and 4 days since my last confession. I wonder if some of you are still there. In my mind your RSS alert systems just came to life after years of inactivity- not unlike those tape reels in the bottom of a bunker somewhere in an ’80s movie. Silence…a red light begins to blink…a whirring sound…the tape reels spin…a Kenny Loggins song starts…
I think you get it.
So, where have I been for approximately 794 days? Nation building! As some of you know/knew I had a child. What you don’t know is that Sab and I had another child shortly after Macy was born. Her name is Rebecca. She arrived 13 months after Macy.
I have been busy trying to create the next American Women’s Tennis Champion or Greatest Tea Party Hostess (they are interchangeable at this point) and making Rebecca giggle. Its a full time job. The best job. So that’s where I have been. Moving on…
Whats changed over the last 19,056 hours since we last spoke? A few things actually…I will supply a short list. You are welcome.
- Rebecca Was Born
- SOPA Protest – Largest in History of the Internet
- A silent film won 5 Academy awards (Really?)
- “Gangnam Style” becomes the first video to reach one billion views on YouTube
- Lance Armstrong “apologizes,” loses a ba-jillion dollars, and still comes off like a douche bag
- Anonymous hacked Westboro Baptist Church (Yea!)
- Macy decided that she is a “princess”
- Rebecca likes yogurt
I am sure there were more events than those…however, I can not remember them right now.
This I will construct a more lucid post about something asap. In the mean time, I am taking requests for topics. In the comments, suggest a topic…or demand a topic. I will write about it in my usual, hard to follow, grammatically incorrect manner.
Welcome back, me!
As my newest daughter is born, I speak for my generation. The “nameless.” The generation whose label is not only a mysterious symbol, but a sign of illiteracy as well. Generation X. I speak to the up and comers, the students of today, and those who are the target of 7 out of 10 commercials and 8 out of 10 television channels- Gen Y and the subsequent letter based generations that MAY follow. May my daughters heed these words of a member of the “Lost Boy” generation and have these word’s intent tattooed across their brains and serve as a reminder of their parents who lived it, who were it, and still manage to make the mortgage payments on time.
So, How can I say this with some adult like tact…Generation X is sick of your bullshit.
The first generation to do worse than its parents? Please. Been there. Generation X was told that so many times that it can’t even read those words without hearing Winona Ryder’s voice in its heads. Or maybe it’s Ethan Hawke’s. Possibly Bridget Fonda’s. Or maybe it’s John Cusack’s. Generation X is getting older, and can’t remember those movies so well anymore. In retrospect, maybe they weren’t very good to begin with.
But Generation X is tired of your sense of entitlement. Generation X also graduated during a recession. It had even shittier jobs, and actually had to pay for its own music. (At least, when music mattered most to it.) Generation X is used to being fucked over. It lost its meager, introduction to adulthood 401-K savings in the dot-com bust. Then came George Bush, and 9/11, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Generation X bore the brunt of all that. And then came the housing crisis that we helped fuel because of the boomers propaganda about “How it is.”
Generation X really wasn’t surprised. Generation X kind of expected it.
Generation X is a journeyman. It didn’t invent hip hop, or punk rock, or even electronica (it’s pretty sure those dudes in Kraftwerk are boomers) but it perfected all of them, and made them its own. It didn’t invent the Web, but it largely built the damn thing. Generation X gave you Google and Twitter and blogging; Run DMC and Radiohead and Nirvana and Jay Z. Not that it gets any credit.
But that’s okay. Generation X is used to being ignored, stuffed between two much larger, much more vocal, demographics. But whatever! Generation X is self-sufficient. It was a latchkey child. Its parents were too busy fulfilling their own personal ambitions to notice any of its trophies-which were admittedly few and far between because they were only awarded for victories, not participation.
In fairness, Generation X could use a better spokesperson. Barack Obama is just a little too senior to count among its own, and it has debts older than Mark Zuckerberg. Generation X hasn’t had a real voice since Kurt Cobain blew his brains out, Tupac was murdered, Jeff Mangum went crazy, David Foster Wallace hung himself, Jeff Buckley drowned, River Phoenix overdosed, Elliott Smith stabbed himself (twice) in the heart, or Axl got fat.
Generation X is beyond all that bullshit now. It quit smoking and doing coke a long time ago. It has blood pressure issues and is heavier than it would like to be. It might still smoke some hydro designer dope, if it knew where to get some. But probably not. Generation X has to be up really early tomorrow morning.
Generation X is tired.
It’s a parent now, and there’s always so damn much to do. Generation X wishes it had better health insurance and a deeper savings account. It wonders where its 20s and most of its 30s went. It wonders if it still has time to catch up.
Right now, Generation X just wants a beer and to be left alone. It just wants to sit here quietly and think for a minute. Can you just do that, okay? It knows that you are so very special and so very numerous, but can you just leave it alone? Just for a little bit? Just long enough to sneak one last fucking cigarette? No?
Whatever. It’s cool.
Generation X is used to disappointments. Generation X knows you didn’t even read this whole post.
Again, it’s cool.
Read that. Please read that. You need to read that- and if it does not piss you off – there is no reason to read my blog anymore.
Fark.com is…well, I will let them describe themselves.
The first thing you should know is that Fark.com isn’t a Weblog. Fark.com, the Web site, is a news aggregator and an edited social networking news site. Every day Fark receives 2,000 or so news submissions from its readership, from which we hand-pick the funny and weird notable news — and not-news — of the day.
Fark takes actual news stories and creates a witty link title and posts them on the site. I am a FAN of the people or person that comes up with these link titles. Some are as funny as you can be in 10 words or less. Here are some samples:
- Virus leaked social security numbers of unemployed, offering identity thieves chance to get turned down for credit
- Jason Giambi hits three home runs and becomes second-oldest player to hit three home runs in one game in MLB history. Best use of wood by a middle-aged man since Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Gene fights cancer, but also causes cancer. What the hell is your problem, Gene?
- Ex-IMF chief Strauss-Kahn granted $1 million bail and will be confined to home detention. No word yet on whether he will have maid service
- Carnival worker falls to his death from Ferris wheel. If you can guess how much he weighs, you win a teddy bear
- FBI recovers stolen rare Ferrari F50, kept it for an “ongoing investigation” then took it for a “short ride” and wrecked it. Now they refuse to pay for damages. Ta Da
- Fox News takes a fair and balanced look at whether freedom-loving ‘mericans should be forced to send untold billions of Freedom Dollars to mooslem ter’rist countries
- Some people write extensive resumes, and some people write this
I hope this makes your day a little better.